Big Fish, a Dead Bear and 10 things weird about men's dating profiles and such

A Big Fish and a Dead Bear

So one of the reasons I was excited to have access to a blog was to get out of my system or get feedback from other women of a certain age about on-line dating. All the cool kids are doing it. I have been on 3 different web sites for about 3.5 months now and some interesting, depressing and strange things have occurred or been observed. So in the best blogging tradition (if there is such a thing) here are my top ten reasons that on-line dating profiles written by men of a certain age are weird;

1)   Holding a big fish. Why do they think we are impressed by them holding a big fish? Is it some kind of primal pride that they are hunters and gatherers and we will never go hungry? Do they think we will equate that really big fish with what they have in their pants? In reality what it tells us is run for the hills because this guy is going to spend all his free time once the glow has worn off out in his boat with his buddies, fishing and drinking beer.

2)   Motor cycles.  I am going to start counting the number of profiles with guys either astride their motorcycles or just photos of their bikes; solo. One guy had 6 photos of his Harley. Six. Do they think we think this makes them sexy and dangerous? Do they think we are going to toss our thighs over that bike and risk life, limb and any chance for physical sensation by riding on I-84 on the back of a Harley?  Did they have a mid life crisis and buying a chopper gave them the confidence their not so trusty member gives them anymore? Reality check guys; you spent way too much money on something really dangerous and there is no way in hell I am riding on that thing.

3)   Photos from 20-30 feet away. I can tell he has 2 eyes and a mouth, not so sure about a nose.

4)   Photos from their 20’s. Are we impressed they used to have hair? Thoughts like, “Wow, he used to be a real looker” are just depressing now. We didn’t meet you when you were 25 dudes, we are meeting you at 58 and you don’t look a thing like you did then, now.

5)   “About average” or “athletic and toned” is this your body type when you look 7 months preggers???

6)   ‘Looking for best friend first’.  ‘Looking for my soul mate’. Repeated a hundred times.  Oh please.

7)   ‘I love NASCAR, collecting old cars, watching sports on television and golfing’  One guy had a photo standing next to a dead bear with his shotgun. delete delete delete delete delete delete. Nuff’ said.

8)   Lack of manners/bad manners/no balls. Please, when we email you at least have the courtesy to say ‘no thank you’. When they do that, I thank them. My first date was with a retired school district administrator. I behaved, we had coffee. He never called or e-mailed me again after I thanked him for a pleasant meeting and I would be open to meeting after he returned from a trip. Nothing. And he had contacted me first.  Coward.

9)   Helicopter skiing, climbing mountains, bungee jumping, mountain biking, scuba diving in Aruba. Do they seriously think they are going to find a woman who wants to do these things with them? Seriously? Give me a guy who likes day hikes in time to get back to Portland for a nice dinner out. That’s the kind of outdoorsy guy I want to meet. I was an outdoor hobby widow for 29 years. Not going there again.

10)               Winks or smiles. What does this mean? I asked a few times and two guys were nice enough to answer. One guy was 38 years old from New Jersey. I emailed him after receiving said wink and asked him what it meant and had he noticed my age? (I am over 55) He said (and made my day) ‘yes I noticed your age, I think you are really pretty and just wanted to let you know I noticed’.  God bless him. The other guy said, ‘I guess it is like honking at a pretty girl on the sidewalk in high school. You were my girl on the sidewalk today.’  I was ok with that too. It did help me figure out after a couple winks back and several emails that it is the lazy guy’s way of saying, ‘you are not so bad but not interesting enough for me to bother with and this is supposed to make you feel special’. That’s what I think. Now when I get ‘winks’, I just delete them. Show me your courage big boys.