living smaller isn't all that great..

so I have been living this experiment; partly by intention and partly by several self inflicted life learning lessons.
I was on a quest to live 'smaller', I was on a roll setting myself up for being portable and mobile enough for a relocation plan, I was paving the way for a tax write off/benefit of having my home as a business. In a month I will be moving back into my house; the house I raised my kids in, got divorced in, transitioned to singlehood in and here are the top 10 things I will not miss about living in a duplex in the town across the river:
1. cigarette butts on the side walk between the duplex units
2. Friday night parties at the duplex next door
3. cats, lots and lots of cats
4. the random used condom on the sidewalks down the street.
5. freezing my ass off
6. a washing machine that gets 'unbalanced' no matter the size of the load
7. freezing my ass off
8. having to walk outside to let  my dogs out to the fenced back yard
9. paying $92 a month to store the rest of my belongings
10. freezing my ass off
Now, I am grateful for this 6 month experiment because it taught me several no-brainer things.
a) having space to host over night guests is a nice thing
b) sometimes, getting a tax break is not worth it
c) living small allowed me to get rid of a bunch of crap I didn't need
d) like Dorothy said, 'there's no place like home'
I will miss curb side recycling and walking to work. That I will miss.

Now that was an interesting conversation. I just talked for an hour with a man that is estranged from both his kids, doesn't have a job, lives over 100 miles away, didn't finish the building project he started, and makes t-shirts for a living. He looks kind of scruffy and cute in his photos and is a musician. He inherited a chunk of money from his parents. He regaled me with his history about how his wife sued him for child support and he didn't want to give into the court authorities (or her) so he ended up getting his wages garnished, lost his house and was on the lam as 'a dead beat dad' for years until an inheritance landed his way and he marched into the court office and paid off his debt to the state for over $60,000 so he could be cleared of it. He also nursed his son back to health after a traumatic brain injury but is estranged from him because he has no motivation to get well and has given up on his life. In an hour he just spewed out a personal history that does not exactly scream 'pick me, pick me!' to those of us open to meeting interesting men on-line. His profile was clever and soulful and funny. He does look cute in that ponytail and beard though...

Big Fish, a Dead Bear and 10 things weird about men's dating profiles and such

A Big Fish and a Dead Bear

So one of the reasons I was excited to have access to a blog was to get out of my system or get feedback from other women of a certain age about on-line dating. All the cool kids are doing it. I have been on 3 different web sites for about 3.5 months now and some interesting, depressing and strange things have occurred or been observed. So in the best blogging tradition (if there is such a thing) here are my top ten reasons that on-line dating profiles written by men of a certain age are weird;

1)   Holding a big fish. Why do they think we are impressed by them holding a big fish? Is it some kind of primal pride that they are hunters and gatherers and we will never go hungry? Do they think we will equate that really big fish with what they have in their pants? In reality what it tells us is run for the hills because this guy is going to spend all his free time once the glow has worn off out in his boat with his buddies, fishing and drinking beer.

2)   Motor cycles.  I am going to start counting the number of profiles with guys either astride their motorcycles or just photos of their bikes; solo. One guy had 6 photos of his Harley. Six. Do they think we think this makes them sexy and dangerous? Do they think we are going to toss our thighs over that bike and risk life, limb and any chance for physical sensation by riding on I-84 on the back of a Harley?  Did they have a mid life crisis and buying a chopper gave them the confidence their not so trusty member gives them anymore? Reality check guys; you spent way too much money on something really dangerous and there is no way in hell I am riding on that thing.

3)   Photos from 20-30 feet away. I can tell he has 2 eyes and a mouth, not so sure about a nose.

4)   Photos from their 20’s. Are we impressed they used to have hair? Thoughts like, “Wow, he used to be a real looker” are just depressing now. We didn’t meet you when you were 25 dudes, we are meeting you at 58 and you don’t look a thing like you did then, now.

5)   “About average” or “athletic and toned” is this your body type when you look 7 months preggers???

6)   ‘Looking for best friend first’.  ‘Looking for my soul mate’. Repeated a hundred times.  Oh please.

7)   ‘I love NASCAR, collecting old cars, watching sports on television and golfing’  One guy had a photo standing next to a dead bear with his shotgun. delete delete delete delete delete delete. Nuff’ said.

8)   Lack of manners/bad manners/no balls. Please, when we email you at least have the courtesy to say ‘no thank you’. When they do that, I thank them. My first date was with a retired school district administrator. I behaved, we had coffee. He never called or e-mailed me again after I thanked him for a pleasant meeting and I would be open to meeting after he returned from a trip. Nothing. And he had contacted me first.  Coward.

9)   Helicopter skiing, climbing mountains, bungee jumping, mountain biking, scuba diving in Aruba. Do they seriously think they are going to find a woman who wants to do these things with them? Seriously? Give me a guy who likes day hikes in time to get back to Portland for a nice dinner out. That’s the kind of outdoorsy guy I want to meet. I was an outdoor hobby widow for 29 years. Not going there again.

10)               Winks or smiles. What does this mean? I asked a few times and two guys were nice enough to answer. One guy was 38 years old from New Jersey. I emailed him after receiving said wink and asked him what it meant and had he noticed my age? (I am over 55) He said (and made my day) ‘yes I noticed your age, I think you are really pretty and just wanted to let you know I noticed’.  God bless him. The other guy said, ‘I guess it is like honking at a pretty girl on the sidewalk in high school. You were my girl on the sidewalk today.’  I was ok with that too. It did help me figure out after a couple winks back and several emails that it is the lazy guy’s way of saying, ‘you are not so bad but not interesting enough for me to bother with and this is supposed to make you feel special’. That’s what I think. Now when I get ‘winks’, I just delete them. Show me your courage big boys.

New Year's Resolution Fruition

Well because it is St Patrick's Day and I am at home instead of out drinking green beer and because a few of us ladies of a certain age decided it would be great to start a blog about being a certain age and posting stories and pictures and poetry and nonsense on a blog. So this is the first entry. So I invite all you women of a certain age (50 or over) to share with us your cautionary tales; humorous, inspirational, irreverent or otherwise. We are particularly interested in hearing about your adventures in post menopausal romance. On line dating advice, disasters, tips or otherwise helpful information welcome.  I will be your editor, publisher and cheerleader. Come on women of a certain age. Let's hear from you..